This last week I have thought a lot about life and more in particular my life. I was think about a time in my English class in high school where we had to write a paper about where we thought we would be in 5 years. Those of you that know me, know that I am a huge plan person. I love to have a plan, I like to know the plan and when my life goes not according to that plan I often struggle. I want to have all my ducks in a row when truth is my ducks are pretty scattered.
When I wrote that plan some 6 years ago I saw my life completely different. I saw myself married with 2 kids. Of course I had the perfect husband, house, money, etc. It was a fabulous plan and dream, but like life often does mine didn't go according to that English paper. Sometime I look at my friends from high schools blogs and see their cute kids, house, lives and I am extremely jealous. They have my ducks!!
Although right now I don't have the happily ever after ducks, I've come to realize I've got pretty good ducks. I have a wonderful job that I absolutely love!! A family that is a amazing! And I have learned how to make it on my own. I still don't know where I will end up or what my life will be 5 months from now. But I realize that it all depends on my attitude and how I view those ducks. I am determined that I am going enjoy my scattered ducks!!
I know that my life isn't the only life that isn't going according to plan. I know we all struggle and that we have to rely on faith. I think that having blind faith is probably one of the hardest thing that the Lord ask us to do. I read a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott the other night about recognizing answers to prayers. He said in that talk that the Lord wont let us fail. If we are living our lives in accordance to the commandments we wont fail. We just have to have faith and trust. He stated, "when the Lord withholds answers, it is to have us grow through faith in Him, obedience to His commandments, and a willingness to act on truth. We are expected to assume accountability by acting on a decision that is consistent with His teachings without prior confirmation. We are not to sit passively waiting or to murmur because the Lord has not spoken. We are to act."
He goes on to remind us about when the Lord asked Nephi to get the brass plates, he failed twice. But Nephi didn't give up. He was willing to keep going and to try a 3rd time because it was a commandment from the Lord, and I honestly believe he would of gone a 4th, 5th, even a 10th time. There are many times in my life where I feel like Lamen and Lemuel. I want to murmur and say to the Lord, "how could you ask me to do something and not provide the way!" I have to step back and try to be like Nephi. He refused to give up. Elder Scott said, "Nephi knew he was required to confide in God, to exercise faith, and to act so that he could receive help, step by step. He did not murmur nor ask for a full explanation. But, observe particularly, he did not wait passively for help, he acted!! By following spiritual law, he was inspired and given the power to act."
I hope that in my life this next year I can be more like Nephi and less like Lamen and Lemuel. I want to act and to keep trying with blind faith. I know that the Lord doesn't want any of us to fail, and He doesn't want me to fail either, but we can't sit around passively waiting for our ducks to fall into place. We have to act!! There will still be times when one of my ducks get kicked way far out of place and I will want to quit. But I am hoping that it is at that time I will remember that the Lord is aware of me and their is a reason behind every action as long as we are living our lives and doing the best we can.
I hope you don't mind that I share these thoughts with you. Sometimes I have to write things down so that when I am having a Lamen day I can look back and read what I truly believe. As for me right now I am just going to try and enjoy the ducks I've got!!!