Tuesday, September 14, 2010

back to work...


My 12 weeks of maternity leave is coming to an end (sniff, sniff). I have such mixed feelings about going back to work, most of which are negative. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I go back to work bright and early Monday morning and I am already stressing about it. I've been having nightmares about it for weeks! How am I going to be away from my baby girl for 12 hours + at a time? What if she needs me? Will she be OK without me? I know that she probably wont even notice my absence but I will sure notice hers! For the last year she has been with me every second of the day, I know 9 months of that time was inside but I still count that! On the other hand I am so grateful that I have a job in which I only work 2 days a week and still make decent money. I am SOOO grateful for a husband who has worked so hard and continues to work hard so that I can go back to work part-time. And I am so grateful for insurance (the main reason I am going back to work). I am also grateful to Tip that he has figured out his work schedule so that he is able to stay home with Lexi on the days that I work. I know that she will be OK without me, I more worry about me being OK without her! I miss her already!! I mean look at that face above, you'd miss her too! Speaking of the picture, Lexi has discovered her hand. She doesn't suck on her thumb, but tucks her thumb in between her first and middle finger and sucks on her knuckle. Its adorable, although I prefer the binky, which she still loves!!
Well say a prayer for me Monday morning that I'll survive my first day back (sniff, sniff)!

9 comments:

Tricia and Jeff Harris said...

hang in there and good luck. we will pray for you. someday i'll be in your shoes as well and I'll completely understand the feelings your having. She sure is stinkin cute sucking on her fist.

Sam and Meesha said...

Everything you said is exactly right...it will be hard to leave her, but your hubby being home is perfect. He'll enjoy that daddy-daughter time too and it will be wonderful memories for both of them. Good luck!

amy said...

oh nikki, you are awesome. i have an entirely new appreciation for working moms - IT IS HARD!!! and it doesn't get easier! you are amazing and seriously it just shows how much you love lexi and tip because i know leaving your baby 40 hours a week (or whatever it is) is the LAST thing you want to do. you are an awesome mom. i've been so tempted so many times to just quit and make my husband just deal with supporting us without my help, but i keep going to work every day because i love my family. i'm lucky because hopefully i can quit in a year or two, but it's still hard to HAVE to work now. aaron watches sawyer while i am at work and let me tell you - when we switch roles and i am a stay at home mom and aaron is the bread winner, we are both going to appreciate each other A LOT more because both are hard and we will have had a chance to be in each other's shoes. tip is awesome for watching her while you work. i'm rambling now so i'll stop, but obviously as you can see, i am a little (or a lot) passionate about this subject :) just wait until a stay at home mom complains to you how bored she is to be with the kids at home all day.... it takes everything in me not to come unglued. :) i would love to just switch places with them for one week so they won't have to be "bored" :)

lexi couldn't be more adorable and tip couldn't be a cuter dad. and YOU are an amazing wife and mom!!!

jami said...

you will be ok. I remember crying when I had to leave Jadi. At least shes home with daddy. that is a blessing. It will be good to get out. you will do great

The Hanson Family said...

Hang in there Nikki. It's gonna be okay. I've been there. Yes, it is hard. Now that Leah is older, I don't struggle so much. But the beginning was rough. Try to remember that you work because you want what's best for Lex. If you didn't work you wouldn't have insurance or the extra means to help take care of her. You are doing the right thing and you are so lucky to have an awesome husband who is willing to work extra hard to take care of you both. Yes, Lexi will miss you on the days that you are gone, but she will love that time with Tip. You are a great Mom and Lexi knows how lucky she is to have you. I'll see you on Tuesday. I know you're dreading it, but I am so excited to work with you again. See you soon. Don't stress, and enjoy your last couple days off :)

Wendy said...

It's always hard leaving kids behind while you have to work. I cried when I had to drop Matt off for work after maternity leave. It does get a little easier but it will always be hard. At least she is home with Tipper and you don't have to drop her off at a daycare:)

The Ravsten's said...

Best wishes! You are soooo lucky to have part time work and insurance. You are blessed. Hang in there.

The Jackson Two said...

I hear ya! I go back to school in January and I'm already freaking out about it and she's not even born yet. It's a sacrifice we make to do the best for them. I'll pray for you and you pray for me. That's awesome that Tipper gets that special time with her and you don't have to leave her with someone else!

The Jones Family said...

There are tons of us moms who feel the same way. It is a struggle for me to go to work every day, but then I think of what a struggle it would be in my husbands shoes to try to support a family all on one income. And so we do what we have to do. You are doing the right thing, and hey you probably make as much or more than a lot of moms do working 40 hours a week!